Idle Hands

Ok check this out, ive decided to do some throwbacks, in other words, review movies that I saw back when I was younger and that Ive recently come into contact with. Idle Hands is the winner today and I was really taken back when I watched this movie. Now this movie is the classic horror/comedy hybrid that leans more towards the comedy side. Devon Sour is the protagonist and I have no clue what happened to his career, I mean after Fnal Destination the guy just disappeared. Anyway, his hand gets possesed and he kills off his two best friends who come back to life and attempt to help him kill his hand which he cut off.............is any of this making sense? Jessica Alba is also in the movie and is the eye candy to enjoy and all in all I just enjoyed the movie, not much else to say, I must say that I just enjoyed seeing things like late night MTV, walk mans and old ass tvs........fuck im lazy! 6/10

SLANDER LAND: The Drawn Together Movie

SLANDER LAND: The Drawn Together Movie: "Ok recently ive been reviewing mostly mainstream movies that have ranged from great to fairly ok, but ive been neglecting the truly shit mov..."

The Drawn Together Movie

Ok recently ive been reviewing mostly mainstream movies that have ranged from great to fairly ok, but ive been neglecting the truly shit movies, the movies that go straight to dvd, the movies that make you want to blow your brains out while your watching it, the movies that make watching paint dry a fun activity, well The Drawn Together manages all of this, but hey what do you expect, its made by Comedy Central. We all know Comedy Central right? They the one responsible for one of the coolest shows ever, South Park, ofcoarse I feel like Comedy Central succeeded with one show but have failed with all of their other attempts, The Drawn Together show being one of the failed attempts, now I know that making fun of Comedy Central is like pelting a Dung Beatle with shit, its pointless but lets get down to. The Drawn Together Movie is based on the show of the same name, the Drawn Together show on Comedy Central is apparently a cartoon reality show starring knock off cartoons drawn in different styles, sounds good so far right? Theirs a japanese rat thats supposed to be Pikachu from Pokemon, a pig with a thick outline, a fat whore whos suppose to be Betty Boop, a super hero whos dating a corpse, some weird yellow guy, some anime video game character and a girl with a fox tale and ears. Now as far as plots are concerned, ive taken baths deeper then this movies plot! The characters of the Drawn Together house, discover that there show has been cancelled for quite some time, they must now find a way to get to Make a Point Land in order to get a point, they are lead there by the star of a show called Suck my Taint, now if you think im high and making this all up, Im not, this is actually the plot of the movie!! The protagonist are ofcoarse persued by some guy and his robot whos called Israel for some reason and he wants the Drawn Together cast to pay for the death of his family who fell in a pit of acid inhabited by crocodiles..................anyway, the movie is an hour and 11 minutes of foul language, nudity and shit, I suppose to some extent the directors felt that if they could get a few shock laughs then they did there job, I guess at the end of the day, even the makers of the film knew that this was a piece of shit and would go straight to dvd, so its hard to diss the movie, so il give it 1/10, im off to watch South Park

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS - PART 2

OK so heres the deal, I find it incredibly difficult to consistently review the movies that I see, the issue is that there are so many of them and in most cases the movies are so shite that I choose not to waste energy in cursing it and the people that made it, but I decided to go mainstream and because Pirates 4 was so shit, Ive decided to go with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2, so lets get started. Ok so besides the group of cackling hens that were sitting behing me and the kid sitting next to me making me uncomfortable, I really enjoyed this movie. The trick here was that I went into the movie expecting nothing spectacular and I left feeling that the money was well spent, which is saying a lot because part one was so horrible, but anyway, lets look at plot. The movie is typical good vs. evil, the good guy is a nerd with a lightning bolt on his head and his best friend is a ginger with a hot girlfriend, while the bad guy looks like the great white shark from the Batman comics, that or a guy who didnt get out of a burning building quick enough, you be the judge. Harry finds out in the first movie that he can only kill Voldemort by destroying little items that posses bits of the dark lords soul, these items are called Horcruxes, but this is where I raise my question, wouldnt Harry have to kill himself in order to fully kill Voldemort? I mean a part of Voldemort was tranferred into Potter when he tried to kill him as a baby. The movie also loses points because of Neville Longbottoms stupid monologue, I couldve gone without that but other then that, the kiddies have matured into good actors and the movie has some wonderful effects and monsters, good drama, twists and turns, romance and a pinch of humour, so I look forward to seeing Hermione in other movies, the 2 boys can go hibernate for all I care 8/10, now you see me, and now you dont! POOF!!!!!!!!

Kung Fu Panda 2

I felt like a 12 year old kid when I stepped into the theater with my 3D glasses, pop corn and coke to watch what I was hoping was going to be a great sequal to what I believed to be one of the greatest movies ever! Sadly I walked out with a sense of dissappointment but at the same time, a large sense of understanding. At the end of the day, Kung Fu Panda is a francise movie that can sell itself on the name alone, movie makers could make a killing without even lifting a finger to make the movie brilliant, and lets face it, surpassing the brilliance of the first movie was something that wasnt going to be done easily, so lets get down to it. Po is the main protagonist in the movie and happens to be the dragon warrior but still maintains his funny/goofy attitude, the antagonist is a peacock for some reason and wants to rule over China but a prophecy claims that he will be defeated by a black and white warrior, so he goes out and kills all the pandas.................sorry, I dosed off, this plot seems quite similar to the plot in Vin Diesels Chronicles of Riddick does it not? There are 3 new characters in the movie which include the son of the legendary Master Flying Rhyno, then theirs Master Croc who is voiced by Jean Claude Van Damme and finally Master Lightning OX or some shit like that, and both of these guys are pussies!!!! The movie will certainly have you laughing even though it goes down the predictable route of Po trying to unmask his mysterious past, the problem I have with this movie is that Po doesnt act like the Dragon Warrior, I mean where the hell does Tigress get off telling Po what to do?!! He can destroy Ty Lang but this bitch can mouth off to him? That just doesnt sit well with me. I just feel like the movie was missing something and I dont know what but at the same time, in all fairness, it was never going to be easy to surpass the first movie. The movie does set itself up for a Kung Fu Panda 3 so lets hope that it pulls off an Oceans 11. The bottom line is that I love Kung Fu Panda, but the sequel just didnt have the same effect, double the awesomness? Unfortunately not. 6/10 Skedoosh

Devil

Ok, im a little pissed off that Kung Fu Panda isnt showing in Bloemfontein yet, so il have to tie myself over with another review and I have chosen a little gem simply titled Devil. Ok so when you hear the title youl probably start to think that youre in for an Exorcist movie or something similar to Constantine, but you would be wrong. The idea of the movie is that the devil diguises himself as a person and torments the damned before taking their souls straight to hell, theirs a little narrative at the beginning and even a bible verse to suck you deeper into the actual film. The film is produced by M. Night Shaymalan, popular for movies such as The Village and Signs and also known for his big plot twists, but enough about him, lets get into this bitch. I enjoyed the opening of the movie, which saw the city filmed upside down, now obviously to the untrained eye, this wouldnt mean much, but the nuance of this shows distress, basically any symbol or flag shown upside down, is a symbol of distress. All the action happens in an elevator that breaks down, 5 people are stuck in the elevator and one of them is the Devil, the fun happens everytime the lights go off and youl spend a good deal of time trying to figure out which one of them is Satan lol . The five include a security gaurd with a history of violence, an old women whos a thief and a racist, a slimy salesman, a girl and the typical mysterious guy in the corner. Each of them die one by one and anyone who tries to help, also suffers a painful death. So whats right and wrong about this movie? Well despite the opening scene, the movie is creepy, it has enough of those surprises that make your heart jump up to your mouth and it will have you thinking at the end of it, despite that, the movies twist isnt really that strong and there are only so many creative ways that a person can be killed in an elevator, so for the sake of being smart, im going to give this movie a 666/10 lol(evil laugh). Ok I dont think ive sworn enough here so FUck!!!!!!!! Shittt! Shiit! That should do.

SLANDER LAND: Love and Other Drugs

SLANDER LAND: Love and Other Drugs: "Greeting ladies and germs, gongrats to everyone who made it to the month of May, and a raise of the glass to those who didnt. This next blo..."

Love and Other Drugs

Greeting ladies and germs, gongrats to everyone who made it to the month of May, and a raise of the glass to those who didnt. This next blog is going to not only be about the movie Love and Other Drugs, but itl also be the space where I take out my hatred for all romantic comedies. First of all, they shouldnt even be called romantic comedies! theres nothing funny about these predictable pieces of crap, heres a general idea of how all romantic comedies go; boy meets girl, girl doesnt like boy, girl learns to like boy, girl falls in love with boy, the end.............O'Ryan pukes!!!!!!!! So why do we watch these abominations? Welll in my defense, casual dating will lead to it and as for Love and Other Drugs, I honestly thought it was a documentory on fucking and drugs, but lets get to the actual movie. Jake Gyllenhall is the protagonist of this film so its already off to a bad start, he becomes a sales rep for Phyzer and falls in love with a girl who has parkinsons, but she only wants sex and doesnt want a relationship.......What a Shock, the girls played by Ann Hatheway. He discovers that he loves and decides to go to the ends of the earth to be with her (ends of the earth in this case being Canada) he gives the predictable speech of how he needs her and they live happily ever after. Thank me now cause ive saved you an 1h 30. Now to grade this puppy, starting from 10, I will deduct. Ok, minus 1 for the fact that its a romantic comedy, minus 2 for Jakes goofy ass, minus 1 for Jakes fat ass brother, minus 3 to me for sitting through this, minus 2 for pradictability and plus 2 for the hot phillipina girl thats naked in a tub towards the end ofthe movie and finally another1 for Hatheways boobs. Final score 4/10.

Black Swan

Ok ok, I know I havent been blogging for a bit but ja, next movie review is Black Swan. Great movie, dark, creepy and dramatic. I like this movie because it doesnt rely on the dancing to compensate for the shit acting. Natalie Portman is the protagonist of this movie and I must say that I regained all respect for her after watching this movie, I lost respect for her in the first place because of her role in the Star Wars movies, shes just annoyed me in those pieces hit, by the way, what happened to the blonde guy who played Annikin? Anyway, the movie documents the painful journey Natalie takes in her persuit of perfection for her role as the lead in Swan Lake, this movie gets added browny points for the lesbian scene between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis, oh and Wynona Ryder is also in the movie. 10/10, good stuff.

Alice in Wunderland

Greetings hebrews and shebrews, im back with another dubious movie review for the few who actually take a look at my modest little blog, thank you to all of you. Todays movie review is about Alice in Wunderland, dont know why I didnt do this review earlier, given the name of the blog but better late then never I always say. Now, Alice ib Wunderland was created by Lewis Carrol while tripping on LSD in London, or atleast thats what I heard. The movie isnt an exact remake of the Disney original but rather a sequel to it. Alice is all grown up now and once again follows the little white rabbit down the hole into the magicla world of Underland. It is here that Alice finds out that she must fulfill her destiny by defeating the Jabberwocky and releasing the citizens of Underlan from the wrath of the red queen. The movie is pretty cliched in terms of the plot, Alice must find the strength within to defeat the monster and blah blah blah, but this can be excused because the world of wunderland is just so cool, what with its talking flowers and the catterpillar that has an awesome oka pipe, thats who I would chill with if I lived in that place. The characters include the march hare, whos obviously high on speed, the mad hatter, who looks like he smokes a jefftrey everyday(watch Get Him to the Greek wink wink) an albino queen, another who looks like she has a tumour in her head and an awesome cat, those are only a few of the characters. Id say that I was most ammused by the potion that makes you shrink and the cake that makes you grow, if I lived in Wunderland, Id make a club that sells the shrinking potion, then build a club within the big club for the people who shrink lol, but anyway, 7/10 for Alice in Wunderland, the beautiful world and enchanting characters, .make up for the predictable story.

Catch phrase for the week: Off with his head!!!!!!!! Great to use when your just about to kill you friend in a fighting game, preferably Mortal Kombat. Asta

SLANDER LAND: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

SLANDER LAND: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: "Its very rare that a bassist in any band gets the lime light and that why I like Scott Pilgrim vs. the World so much. I generally despise ro..."

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Its very rare that a bassist in any band gets the lime light and that why I like Scott Pilgrim vs. the World so much. I generally despise romantic comedies but this movie is a special kind of romantic comedy so if your a fan of Michael Cerra then your going to enjoy this movie. Michael Cerra is the plucky protagonist in this tale and plays the role of Scott Pilgrim, a 22 year old(or so he sais) guy who happens to be dating a 17 year old Chinese girl called Knives.......im not making this up, the girls name is actually Knives!!! Anyway, Scott plays in an AWESOME band called Sex Bob Omb with his friends Kim and Stephen while also living with his gay best friend Wallace who is played by Kieran Culkin, anyone remember him? His brother played in Home Alone? Was friends with Michael Jackson? Career went down the toilet............? Anyway, Scott is an interesting guy who meets the girl of his dreams but can only date her if he can defeat her seven deadly X's. Each X has an awesome power but I wont give that away, all that Il say is that the movie mixes awesome video game and comic elements together in a cool and random way and thae musics really good  and the fight scens are pretty good to, plus theirs a bass battle, I mean how many times have you ever heard of a bass battle?! All n all, SPW is just a cool movie and really enjoying to watch and I shall therefore give it a 9/10, another good job by Edgar Wright.

Catch phrase for the weak: Uhm.................... ive got nothing, till next time folks

Anywhere but Home

Hey boys and girls, me again with another movie, now ive realised that  I cant just review the movies that I enjoy but il also have to sift through the shit, its only fair i suppose, so lets get started. Todays movie is called Anywhere but Home starring Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon, now it must be said that I really do not like Vince Vaughn as an actor, he has this annoying thing where he goes on these babbling rants  where he just doesnt shut up, its suppose to be funny but its NOT! Hes also always type casted, I cant remember a single one of his movies that werent romantic comedies, but atleast Reese Witherspoon is a pretty enough actress to look at, but I continue, generally I really dont like romantic comedies, and the fact that this is a Christmas romantic comedy kinda makes it even worse. The fact of the matter is that hhis is just another predictable movie where I figured out the ending in the first 10 minutes, but enough negativity for now, looking past the predictable story line  this is a charming family movie that will leave you feeling warm and fuzzy and ready for Christmas. Vince and Reese play Brad and Kate, a couple who love eachother and feel that they both dont want to make the same mistakes that there divorced parents made by getting married and having children, but there attemtps to avoid spending Christmas with their families and leaving for Fiji instead is halted by bad weather which forces the plucky couple to spend Christmas at 4 dffierent places, not all at once ofcoarse. Now in a  nutshell, Brads dad is an old   fashioned stubborn bastard who named his kids after the states they were born in, needless to say, Brads brothers are idiots, the one brother happens  to be played by Tim McGraw. Brads mom, who is played by Sissy Spacek, is sleeping with his best friend. Dont think that Reeses parents are any better though, her mom is a religious nut and her sister, aunts and grandmother are all horny fo Brad. The only normal parent seems to be Kates dad  who is played by John Voight. Now even though each of the different venues brings on all sorts of wacky antics, this movie is not funny, its hardly ammusing, but it gets saved by the fact that its a Chrismas movie so it gets away with it, and besides, it couldve been worse, Tim Allen couldve been in it lol.
So in conclusion il be gentle, 5/10 for Anywhere but Home, its unfunny and predictable but nice for the festive season, so Merry Christmas eveyrone.

Catch phrase for the week: Misteltoe
Kate and Brad use this as a safe word in the movie whenever one of the wanted to split from an awkward situation, they would just say Mistletoe, so feel free to use this as a safe word with your friends in case you land in an awkward situation that you need to get out of quickly, so put that in your office and frame it im out.

The Orphan

Greetings boys and girls, yes it has been a while but I couldnt really think of anything relevant to discuss on this blog so ive decided to just use this space to review movies that ive seen recently and in the past. I will slander the movies I dont like unmercifully and also give the appropriate praise to the movies that I do like, so lets get started. Todays movie review will be about a scary flick called The Orphan, directed by Jaume Collet-Serra, now ive actually wanted to see this movie for a while but never did get the chance, so im glad that I fiinally got to see it. The movie is about a husband and a wife who go through the traumatic experience of losing a child during labour, this tragic events leads to the mothers drinking problem and her depression as a whole. Eventually Kate and John Coleman, who are played by Vera Farmiga and Peter Sarsgaard, decide to adopt a very cute, mature, well versed Russian girl who has a talent for painting among other things. This already made me ask questions, why the hell do John and Kate want an adopted child when theyve already got two kids?! There two kids are Max and Danni Coleman, who are played by Aryana Engineer and Jimmy Bennett, Ive seen Jimmi Bennett in other movies but for the life of me I cant remember what the movies names are, but i digress, Kate and Peter adopt the little Russian girl whos name is Esther, and needless to say, as the movie progresses, everyone starts to realise that Esther is not as sweet and innocent as they once thought, as a matter of fact, this bitch is crazy! I mean who kills a nun with a hammer?! The movie follows the same basic rules of any other scary movie in the sense that the killer is a great hider, there are some good musical build ups that lead to anti-climaxes which i actually liked and the killer cannot be killed easily. So in my mind this was just another scary movie that just went for the adopted evil orphan angle and added a few twists and turns as Kate tries to save her family but also find out the truth and history about Esther. So all in all I give The Orpahn a 6/10, a fair score I think.

Catch phrase for the week: ' I am not your fucking mommy!!' This catch phrase is quite useful to use when your angry at someone or something, it should be followed by a powerful kick, very much like how Lionidas kicked that persian messenger in 300, it has the same effect, so put that in your office and frame it, Im out.

Weed

Ok I know this question is getting really old but is weed dangerous or not? In my oppinion I feel that the greatest threat that weed poses is that it can lead to the usage of stronger and more dangerous drugs. Having smoked weed myself on rare occasions, the effects I experienced included becoming quite paranoid and sensations were hightened, but ive never had cravings for weed because quite frankly it tastes like shit, I believe like anything, moderation is the key. I do ofcoarse know of people that smoke like chimneys and seem to be on top of their shit, but hey, this is one mans oppinion and id appriciate anyone elses take on the matter, asta

bad entertainment

Went to watch Resident Evil in 3D and I didnt enjoy it at all, it wouldve sucked just as much even if it wasnt in 3D because there were hardly any 3D parts in the movie, predictable story line of how Alice meets another buch of retards and they have to once agian escape from the zombies, just like every other movie, and theres never a conclusion! Just the promise of another shit movie where they escaping from more zombies, its like watching Jewish history, all the Jews did was escape from one place to the other, but at the end of the day they have one, theyve tricked me into watching another crap movie, or atleast my sister did, asta!

Hello.......again

Ok, hows it going? Im back with another blog mainly because as a media student we need to practise our writing/typing and so on, so im just going to use slander land, which is the name of my blog in case you havent notice, to ramble about random things that interest me or to document any cool and hopefully funny things that happen in life, hopefully somebody will take notice, thats all for now, Peace