Alice in Wunderland

Greetings hebrews and shebrews, im back with another dubious movie review for the few who actually take a look at my modest little blog, thank you to all of you. Todays movie review is about Alice in Wunderland, dont know why I didnt do this review earlier, given the name of the blog but better late then never I always say. Now, Alice ib Wunderland was created by Lewis Carrol while tripping on LSD in London, or atleast thats what I heard. The movie isnt an exact remake of the Disney original but rather a sequel to it. Alice is all grown up now and once again follows the little white rabbit down the hole into the magicla world of Underland. It is here that Alice finds out that she must fulfill her destiny by defeating the Jabberwocky and releasing the citizens of Underlan from the wrath of the red queen. The movie is pretty cliched in terms of the plot, Alice must find the strength within to defeat the monster and blah blah blah, but this can be excused because the world of wunderland is just so cool, what with its talking flowers and the catterpillar that has an awesome oka pipe, thats who I would chill with if I lived in that place. The characters include the march hare, whos obviously high on speed, the mad hatter, who looks like he smokes a jefftrey everyday(watch Get Him to the Greek wink wink) an albino queen, another who looks like she has a tumour in her head and an awesome cat, those are only a few of the characters. Id say that I was most ammused by the potion that makes you shrink and the cake that makes you grow, if I lived in Wunderland, Id make a club that sells the shrinking potion, then build a club within the big club for the people who shrink lol, but anyway, 7/10 for Alice in Wunderland, the beautiful world and enchanting characters, .make up for the predictable story.

Catch phrase for the week: Off with his head!!!!!!!! Great to use when your just about to kill you friend in a fighting game, preferably Mortal Kombat. Asta

SLANDER LAND: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

SLANDER LAND: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: "Its very rare that a bassist in any band gets the lime light and that why I like Scott Pilgrim vs. the World so much. I generally despise ro..."

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Its very rare that a bassist in any band gets the lime light and that why I like Scott Pilgrim vs. the World so much. I generally despise romantic comedies but this movie is a special kind of romantic comedy so if your a fan of Michael Cerra then your going to enjoy this movie. Michael Cerra is the plucky protagonist in this tale and plays the role of Scott Pilgrim, a 22 year old(or so he sais) guy who happens to be dating a 17 year old Chinese girl called Knives.......im not making this up, the girls name is actually Knives!!! Anyway, Scott plays in an AWESOME band called Sex Bob Omb with his friends Kim and Stephen while also living with his gay best friend Wallace who is played by Kieran Culkin, anyone remember him? His brother played in Home Alone? Was friends with Michael Jackson? Career went down the toilet............? Anyway, Scott is an interesting guy who meets the girl of his dreams but can only date her if he can defeat her seven deadly X's. Each X has an awesome power but I wont give that away, all that Il say is that the movie mixes awesome video game and comic elements together in a cool and random way and thae musics really good  and the fight scens are pretty good to, plus theirs a bass battle, I mean how many times have you ever heard of a bass battle?! All n all, SPW is just a cool movie and really enjoying to watch and I shall therefore give it a 9/10, another good job by Edgar Wright.

Catch phrase for the weak: Uhm.................... ive got nothing, till next time folks

Anywhere but Home

Hey boys and girls, me again with another movie, now ive realised that  I cant just review the movies that I enjoy but il also have to sift through the shit, its only fair i suppose, so lets get started. Todays movie is called Anywhere but Home starring Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon, now it must be said that I really do not like Vince Vaughn as an actor, he has this annoying thing where he goes on these babbling rants  where he just doesnt shut up, its suppose to be funny but its NOT! Hes also always type casted, I cant remember a single one of his movies that werent romantic comedies, but atleast Reese Witherspoon is a pretty enough actress to look at, but I continue, generally I really dont like romantic comedies, and the fact that this is a Christmas romantic comedy kinda makes it even worse. The fact of the matter is that hhis is just another predictable movie where I figured out the ending in the first 10 minutes, but enough negativity for now, looking past the predictable story line  this is a charming family movie that will leave you feeling warm and fuzzy and ready for Christmas. Vince and Reese play Brad and Kate, a couple who love eachother and feel that they both dont want to make the same mistakes that there divorced parents made by getting married and having children, but there attemtps to avoid spending Christmas with their families and leaving for Fiji instead is halted by bad weather which forces the plucky couple to spend Christmas at 4 dffierent places, not all at once ofcoarse. Now in a  nutshell, Brads dad is an old   fashioned stubborn bastard who named his kids after the states they were born in, needless to say, Brads brothers are idiots, the one brother happens  to be played by Tim McGraw. Brads mom, who is played by Sissy Spacek, is sleeping with his best friend. Dont think that Reeses parents are any better though, her mom is a religious nut and her sister, aunts and grandmother are all horny fo Brad. The only normal parent seems to be Kates dad  who is played by John Voight. Now even though each of the different venues brings on all sorts of wacky antics, this movie is not funny, its hardly ammusing, but it gets saved by the fact that its a Chrismas movie so it gets away with it, and besides, it couldve been worse, Tim Allen couldve been in it lol.
So in conclusion il be gentle, 5/10 for Anywhere but Home, its unfunny and predictable but nice for the festive season, so Merry Christmas eveyrone.

Catch phrase for the week: Misteltoe
Kate and Brad use this as a safe word in the movie whenever one of the wanted to split from an awkward situation, they would just say Mistletoe, so feel free to use this as a safe word with your friends in case you land in an awkward situation that you need to get out of quickly, so put that in your office and frame it im out.

The Orphan

Greetings boys and girls, yes it has been a while but I couldnt really think of anything relevant to discuss on this blog so ive decided to just use this space to review movies that ive seen recently and in the past. I will slander the movies I dont like unmercifully and also give the appropriate praise to the movies that I do like, so lets get started. Todays movie review will be about a scary flick called The Orphan, directed by Jaume Collet-Serra, now ive actually wanted to see this movie for a while but never did get the chance, so im glad that I fiinally got to see it. The movie is about a husband and a wife who go through the traumatic experience of losing a child during labour, this tragic events leads to the mothers drinking problem and her depression as a whole. Eventually Kate and John Coleman, who are played by Vera Farmiga and Peter Sarsgaard, decide to adopt a very cute, mature, well versed Russian girl who has a talent for painting among other things. This already made me ask questions, why the hell do John and Kate want an adopted child when theyve already got two kids?! There two kids are Max and Danni Coleman, who are played by Aryana Engineer and Jimmy Bennett, Ive seen Jimmi Bennett in other movies but for the life of me I cant remember what the movies names are, but i digress, Kate and Peter adopt the little Russian girl whos name is Esther, and needless to say, as the movie progresses, everyone starts to realise that Esther is not as sweet and innocent as they once thought, as a matter of fact, this bitch is crazy! I mean who kills a nun with a hammer?! The movie follows the same basic rules of any other scary movie in the sense that the killer is a great hider, there are some good musical build ups that lead to anti-climaxes which i actually liked and the killer cannot be killed easily. So in my mind this was just another scary movie that just went for the adopted evil orphan angle and added a few twists and turns as Kate tries to save her family but also find out the truth and history about Esther. So all in all I give The Orpahn a 6/10, a fair score I think.

Catch phrase for the week: ' I am not your fucking mommy!!' This catch phrase is quite useful to use when your angry at someone or something, it should be followed by a powerful kick, very much like how Lionidas kicked that persian messenger in 300, it has the same effect, so put that in your office and frame it, Im out.

Weed

Ok I know this question is getting really old but is weed dangerous or not? In my oppinion I feel that the greatest threat that weed poses is that it can lead to the usage of stronger and more dangerous drugs. Having smoked weed myself on rare occasions, the effects I experienced included becoming quite paranoid and sensations were hightened, but ive never had cravings for weed because quite frankly it tastes like shit, I believe like anything, moderation is the key. I do ofcoarse know of people that smoke like chimneys and seem to be on top of their shit, but hey, this is one mans oppinion and id appriciate anyone elses take on the matter, asta

bad entertainment

Went to watch Resident Evil in 3D and I didnt enjoy it at all, it wouldve sucked just as much even if it wasnt in 3D because there were hardly any 3D parts in the movie, predictable story line of how Alice meets another buch of retards and they have to once agian escape from the zombies, just like every other movie, and theres never a conclusion! Just the promise of another shit movie where they escaping from more zombies, its like watching Jewish history, all the Jews did was escape from one place to the other, but at the end of the day they have one, theyve tricked me into watching another crap movie, or atleast my sister did, asta!