Kung Fu Panda 2

I felt like a 12 year old kid when I stepped into the theater with my 3D glasses, pop corn and coke to watch what I was hoping was going to be a great sequal to what I believed to be one of the greatest movies ever! Sadly I walked out with a sense of dissappointment but at the same time, a large sense of understanding. At the end of the day, Kung Fu Panda is a francise movie that can sell itself on the name alone, movie makers could make a killing without even lifting a finger to make the movie brilliant, and lets face it, surpassing the brilliance of the first movie was something that wasnt going to be done easily, so lets get down to it. Po is the main protagonist in the movie and happens to be the dragon warrior but still maintains his funny/goofy attitude, the antagonist is a peacock for some reason and wants to rule over China but a prophecy claims that he will be defeated by a black and white warrior, so he goes out and kills all the pandas.................sorry, I dosed off, this plot seems quite similar to the plot in Vin Diesels Chronicles of Riddick does it not? There are 3 new characters in the movie which include the son of the legendary Master Flying Rhyno, then theirs Master Croc who is voiced by Jean Claude Van Damme and finally Master Lightning OX or some shit like that, and both of these guys are pussies!!!! The movie will certainly have you laughing even though it goes down the predictable route of Po trying to unmask his mysterious past, the problem I have with this movie is that Po doesnt act like the Dragon Warrior, I mean where the hell does Tigress get off telling Po what to do?!! He can destroy Ty Lang but this bitch can mouth off to him? That just doesnt sit well with me. I just feel like the movie was missing something and I dont know what but at the same time, in all fairness, it was never going to be easy to surpass the first movie. The movie does set itself up for a Kung Fu Panda 3 so lets hope that it pulls off an Oceans 11. The bottom line is that I love Kung Fu Panda, but the sequel just didnt have the same effect, double the awesomness? Unfortunately not. 6/10 Skedoosh

Devil

Ok, im a little pissed off that Kung Fu Panda isnt showing in Bloemfontein yet, so il have to tie myself over with another review and I have chosen a little gem simply titled Devil. Ok so when you hear the title youl probably start to think that youre in for an Exorcist movie or something similar to Constantine, but you would be wrong. The idea of the movie is that the devil diguises himself as a person and torments the damned before taking their souls straight to hell, theirs a little narrative at the beginning and even a bible verse to suck you deeper into the actual film. The film is produced by M. Night Shaymalan, popular for movies such as The Village and Signs and also known for his big plot twists, but enough about him, lets get into this bitch. I enjoyed the opening of the movie, which saw the city filmed upside down, now obviously to the untrained eye, this wouldnt mean much, but the nuance of this shows distress, basically any symbol or flag shown upside down, is a symbol of distress. All the action happens in an elevator that breaks down, 5 people are stuck in the elevator and one of them is the Devil, the fun happens everytime the lights go off and youl spend a good deal of time trying to figure out which one of them is Satan lol . The five include a security gaurd with a history of violence, an old women whos a thief and a racist, a slimy salesman, a girl and the typical mysterious guy in the corner. Each of them die one by one and anyone who tries to help, also suffers a painful death. So whats right and wrong about this movie? Well despite the opening scene, the movie is creepy, it has enough of those surprises that make your heart jump up to your mouth and it will have you thinking at the end of it, despite that, the movies twist isnt really that strong and there are only so many creative ways that a person can be killed in an elevator, so for the sake of being smart, im going to give this movie a 666/10 lol(evil laugh). Ok I dont think ive sworn enough here so FUck!!!!!!!! Shittt! Shiit! That should do.

SLANDER LAND: Love and Other Drugs

SLANDER LAND: Love and Other Drugs: "Greeting ladies and germs, gongrats to everyone who made it to the month of May, and a raise of the glass to those who didnt. This next blo..."

Love and Other Drugs

Greeting ladies and germs, gongrats to everyone who made it to the month of May, and a raise of the glass to those who didnt. This next blog is going to not only be about the movie Love and Other Drugs, but itl also be the space where I take out my hatred for all romantic comedies. First of all, they shouldnt even be called romantic comedies! theres nothing funny about these predictable pieces of crap, heres a general idea of how all romantic comedies go; boy meets girl, girl doesnt like boy, girl learns to like boy, girl falls in love with boy, the end.............O'Ryan pukes!!!!!!!! So why do we watch these abominations? Welll in my defense, casual dating will lead to it and as for Love and Other Drugs, I honestly thought it was a documentory on fucking and drugs, but lets get to the actual movie. Jake Gyllenhall is the protagonist of this film so its already off to a bad start, he becomes a sales rep for Phyzer and falls in love with a girl who has parkinsons, but she only wants sex and doesnt want a relationship.......What a Shock, the girls played by Ann Hatheway. He discovers that he loves and decides to go to the ends of the earth to be with her (ends of the earth in this case being Canada) he gives the predictable speech of how he needs her and they live happily ever after. Thank me now cause ive saved you an 1h 30. Now to grade this puppy, starting from 10, I will deduct. Ok, minus 1 for the fact that its a romantic comedy, minus 2 for Jakes goofy ass, minus 1 for Jakes fat ass brother, minus 3 to me for sitting through this, minus 2 for pradictability and plus 2 for the hot phillipina girl thats naked in a tub towards the end ofthe movie and finally another1 for Hatheways boobs. Final score 4/10.

Black Swan

Ok ok, I know I havent been blogging for a bit but ja, next movie review is Black Swan. Great movie, dark, creepy and dramatic. I like this movie because it doesnt rely on the dancing to compensate for the shit acting. Natalie Portman is the protagonist of this movie and I must say that I regained all respect for her after watching this movie, I lost respect for her in the first place because of her role in the Star Wars movies, shes just annoyed me in those pieces hit, by the way, what happened to the blonde guy who played Annikin? Anyway, the movie documents the painful journey Natalie takes in her persuit of perfection for her role as the lead in Swan Lake, this movie gets added browny points for the lesbian scene between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis, oh and Wynona Ryder is also in the movie. 10/10, good stuff.

Alice in Wunderland

Greetings hebrews and shebrews, im back with another dubious movie review for the few who actually take a look at my modest little blog, thank you to all of you. Todays movie review is about Alice in Wunderland, dont know why I didnt do this review earlier, given the name of the blog but better late then never I always say. Now, Alice ib Wunderland was created by Lewis Carrol while tripping on LSD in London, or atleast thats what I heard. The movie isnt an exact remake of the Disney original but rather a sequel to it. Alice is all grown up now and once again follows the little white rabbit down the hole into the magicla world of Underland. It is here that Alice finds out that she must fulfill her destiny by defeating the Jabberwocky and releasing the citizens of Underlan from the wrath of the red queen. The movie is pretty cliched in terms of the plot, Alice must find the strength within to defeat the monster and blah blah blah, but this can be excused because the world of wunderland is just so cool, what with its talking flowers and the catterpillar that has an awesome oka pipe, thats who I would chill with if I lived in that place. The characters include the march hare, whos obviously high on speed, the mad hatter, who looks like he smokes a jefftrey everyday(watch Get Him to the Greek wink wink) an albino queen, another who looks like she has a tumour in her head and an awesome cat, those are only a few of the characters. Id say that I was most ammused by the potion that makes you shrink and the cake that makes you grow, if I lived in Wunderland, Id make a club that sells the shrinking potion, then build a club within the big club for the people who shrink lol, but anyway, 7/10 for Alice in Wunderland, the beautiful world and enchanting characters, .make up for the predictable story.

Catch phrase for the week: Off with his head!!!!!!!! Great to use when your just about to kill you friend in a fighting game, preferably Mortal Kombat. Asta

SLANDER LAND: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

SLANDER LAND: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: "Its very rare that a bassist in any band gets the lime light and that why I like Scott Pilgrim vs. the World so much. I generally despise ro..."