Devil

Ok, im a little pissed off that Kung Fu Panda isnt showing in Bloemfontein yet, so il have to tie myself over with another review and I have chosen a little gem simply titled Devil. Ok so when you hear the title youl probably start to think that youre in for an Exorcist movie or something similar to Constantine, but you would be wrong. The idea of the movie is that the devil diguises himself as a person and torments the damned before taking their souls straight to hell, theirs a little narrative at the beginning and even a bible verse to suck you deeper into the actual film. The film is produced by M. Night Shaymalan, popular for movies such as The Village and Signs and also known for his big plot twists, but enough about him, lets get into this bitch. I enjoyed the opening of the movie, which saw the city filmed upside down, now obviously to the untrained eye, this wouldnt mean much, but the nuance of this shows distress, basically any symbol or flag shown upside down, is a symbol of distress. All the action happens in an elevator that breaks down, 5 people are stuck in the elevator and one of them is the Devil, the fun happens everytime the lights go off and youl spend a good deal of time trying to figure out which one of them is Satan lol . The five include a security gaurd with a history of violence, an old women whos a thief and a racist, a slimy salesman, a girl and the typical mysterious guy in the corner. Each of them die one by one and anyone who tries to help, also suffers a painful death. So whats right and wrong about this movie? Well despite the opening scene, the movie is creepy, it has enough of those surprises that make your heart jump up to your mouth and it will have you thinking at the end of it, despite that, the movies twist isnt really that strong and there are only so many creative ways that a person can be killed in an elevator, so for the sake of being smart, im going to give this movie a 666/10 lol(evil laugh). Ok I dont think ive sworn enough here so FUck!!!!!!!! Shittt! Shiit! That should do.

SLANDER LAND: Love and Other Drugs

SLANDER LAND: Love and Other Drugs: "Greeting ladies and germs, gongrats to everyone who made it to the month of May, and a raise of the glass to those who didnt. This next blo..."

Love and Other Drugs

Greeting ladies and germs, gongrats to everyone who made it to the month of May, and a raise of the glass to those who didnt. This next blog is going to not only be about the movie Love and Other Drugs, but itl also be the space where I take out my hatred for all romantic comedies. First of all, they shouldnt even be called romantic comedies! theres nothing funny about these predictable pieces of crap, heres a general idea of how all romantic comedies go; boy meets girl, girl doesnt like boy, girl learns to like boy, girl falls in love with boy, the end.............O'Ryan pukes!!!!!!!! So why do we watch these abominations? Welll in my defense, casual dating will lead to it and as for Love and Other Drugs, I honestly thought it was a documentory on fucking and drugs, but lets get to the actual movie. Jake Gyllenhall is the protagonist of this film so its already off to a bad start, he becomes a sales rep for Phyzer and falls in love with a girl who has parkinsons, but she only wants sex and doesnt want a relationship.......What a Shock, the girls played by Ann Hatheway. He discovers that he loves and decides to go to the ends of the earth to be with her (ends of the earth in this case being Canada) he gives the predictable speech of how he needs her and they live happily ever after. Thank me now cause ive saved you an 1h 30. Now to grade this puppy, starting from 10, I will deduct. Ok, minus 1 for the fact that its a romantic comedy, minus 2 for Jakes goofy ass, minus 1 for Jakes fat ass brother, minus 3 to me for sitting through this, minus 2 for pradictability and plus 2 for the hot phillipina girl thats naked in a tub towards the end ofthe movie and finally another1 for Hatheways boobs. Final score 4/10.

Black Swan

Ok ok, I know I havent been blogging for a bit but ja, next movie review is Black Swan. Great movie, dark, creepy and dramatic. I like this movie because it doesnt rely on the dancing to compensate for the shit acting. Natalie Portman is the protagonist of this movie and I must say that I regained all respect for her after watching this movie, I lost respect for her in the first place because of her role in the Star Wars movies, shes just annoyed me in those pieces hit, by the way, what happened to the blonde guy who played Annikin? Anyway, the movie documents the painful journey Natalie takes in her persuit of perfection for her role as the lead in Swan Lake, this movie gets added browny points for the lesbian scene between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis, oh and Wynona Ryder is also in the movie. 10/10, good stuff.

Alice in Wunderland

Greetings hebrews and shebrews, im back with another dubious movie review for the few who actually take a look at my modest little blog, thank you to all of you. Todays movie review is about Alice in Wunderland, dont know why I didnt do this review earlier, given the name of the blog but better late then never I always say. Now, Alice ib Wunderland was created by Lewis Carrol while tripping on LSD in London, or atleast thats what I heard. The movie isnt an exact remake of the Disney original but rather a sequel to it. Alice is all grown up now and once again follows the little white rabbit down the hole into the magicla world of Underland. It is here that Alice finds out that she must fulfill her destiny by defeating the Jabberwocky and releasing the citizens of Underlan from the wrath of the red queen. The movie is pretty cliched in terms of the plot, Alice must find the strength within to defeat the monster and blah blah blah, but this can be excused because the world of wunderland is just so cool, what with its talking flowers and the catterpillar that has an awesome oka pipe, thats who I would chill with if I lived in that place. The characters include the march hare, whos obviously high on speed, the mad hatter, who looks like he smokes a jefftrey everyday(watch Get Him to the Greek wink wink) an albino queen, another who looks like she has a tumour in her head and an awesome cat, those are only a few of the characters. Id say that I was most ammused by the potion that makes you shrink and the cake that makes you grow, if I lived in Wunderland, Id make a club that sells the shrinking potion, then build a club within the big club for the people who shrink lol, but anyway, 7/10 for Alice in Wunderland, the beautiful world and enchanting characters, .make up for the predictable story.

Catch phrase for the week: Off with his head!!!!!!!! Great to use when your just about to kill you friend in a fighting game, preferably Mortal Kombat. Asta

SLANDER LAND: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

SLANDER LAND: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: "Its very rare that a bassist in any band gets the lime light and that why I like Scott Pilgrim vs. the World so much. I generally despise ro..."

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Its very rare that a bassist in any band gets the lime light and that why I like Scott Pilgrim vs. the World so much. I generally despise romantic comedies but this movie is a special kind of romantic comedy so if your a fan of Michael Cerra then your going to enjoy this movie. Michael Cerra is the plucky protagonist in this tale and plays the role of Scott Pilgrim, a 22 year old(or so he sais) guy who happens to be dating a 17 year old Chinese girl called Knives.......im not making this up, the girls name is actually Knives!!! Anyway, Scott plays in an AWESOME band called Sex Bob Omb with his friends Kim and Stephen while also living with his gay best friend Wallace who is played by Kieran Culkin, anyone remember him? His brother played in Home Alone? Was friends with Michael Jackson? Career went down the toilet............? Anyway, Scott is an interesting guy who meets the girl of his dreams but can only date her if he can defeat her seven deadly X's. Each X has an awesome power but I wont give that away, all that Il say is that the movie mixes awesome video game and comic elements together in a cool and random way and thae musics really good  and the fight scens are pretty good to, plus theirs a bass battle, I mean how many times have you ever heard of a bass battle?! All n all, SPW is just a cool movie and really enjoying to watch and I shall therefore give it a 9/10, another good job by Edgar Wright.

Catch phrase for the weak: Uhm.................... ive got nothing, till next time folks